


To Act Out A Play You Don't Like With Your Memories As The Script

by PunsAndCookies



Category: Naruto
Genre: Fix-It, Jonin drinking hours, Pure Crack, Their kids are just so goddamn weird, They are all gay I do not make the rules, Time Travel, What did Kakashi do to deserve this?, don't take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:02:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28795095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunsAndCookies/pseuds/PunsAndCookies
Summary: The Konoha 12 and a few other travel back in time. They want to keep the events the same, but decide to have a little fun along the way.Shenanigans ensue.The sensei are not drunk enough to deal with this, and not a single adult knows what's going on.
Comments: 54
Kudos: 319





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first Naruto fic, I have a weakness for time-travel fix-its, so here we are. Have fun ^^

Kakashi was ready to fail another group of Genin. Honestly, it was Hokage’s fault. That old man knew that he would just fail all little kids he sent his way. Even if it was the last Uchiha, the host of the Kyuubi and some civilian girl. Even if said host was his sensei’s son. Even more of a reason to fail them. He had been forbidden to interact with Naruto for his whole life and suddenly they expected him to become a good teacher to the boy. 

He sighed. Hopefully this would be over quickly.

As he stepped into the classroom a pie hit him straight in the face. He hadn’t even seen it coming. Shit. Maybe he was getting out of shape since leaving ANBU. No matter. He wiped the pie of his face and looked at the kids without letting an emotion slip of his masked face.

Naruto looked a little disappointed in him. Sasuke looked like he was fighting a smile, which certainly did not fit with his profile. Sakura sat on her desk and ate a piece of pie, but she looked a little disappointed as well.

“Meet me on the roof in five minutes.”

And he disappeared in a shunshin. Exactly five minutes later the children marched on the roof (is it normal for Genin to be that fast and punctual? He didn’t know any, so probably yes). Naruto in his horrendous orange jumpsuit and a playful grin on his face. Sasuke looked very angry at nothing at all and Sakura had a hard time looking away from her shoes, head held low and arms clasped behind her back. 

That seemed a little more like what he had expected of them. Maybe he should have read more than just the first page of their files.

“Great, why don’t you introduce yourselves.”

Naruto piped up. “Why don’t you give us an example Sensei?”

Urgh, this is gonna be horrible.

“My name is Kakashi Hatake, I like some things, dislike others. I have hobbies, but I won’t tell you about them.”

The blond boy grinned as if he had expected that answer.

“My name is Naruto Uzumaki and I will be Hokage one day. I like umm…” he looked between his two teammates as if they could remind him, but they just shrugged, “ah yes, ramen. I love ramen and I hate the five minutes it takes for ramen to cook. My hobbies are seal…umm read…no, umm…” 

Sakura stopped his rambling by hitting the back of his head lightly. Sasuke shook his head when he looked at his blond teammate.

Naruto laughed sheepishly and continued. “My hobby is planting. Yeah that’s good. Oh and pranking, I guess. Oh wait I didn’t say that. I will deny every prank you try to pin on me.”

Sakura buried her face in her hands and groaned. Then she looked up at Kakashi, gave him a smile, like ‘do you see what I have to deal with?’ and started her own introduction.  
“My name is Haruno Sakura, and one day I will be the wife of Uchiha Sasuke. I like Sasuke, I mean look at his…hair. And face. Yes, totally. I dislike people who don’t like Sasuke and my hobbies are fangirling over Sasuke.”

She said all of that with a straight face while looking Kakashi in the eye. Without even looking at her teammate. Said teammate murmured in a low tone “That’s a bit much don’t you think?”, while she answered in an equally hushed tone “shut up and do better.”

Sasuke cleared his throat and said in a very dramatic tone: “I am Uchiha Sasuke. I don’t like anything and I dislike everything and my dream is to kill my brother who definitely murdered my whole clan all on his own.”

Kakashi looked between the three kids in front of him. They all stared at him expectantly. Something was wrong. They were messing with him. But all they had said fit exactly with what little he had read of their profiles. The dead-last, the avenger and the fangirl. And yet he felt like they were reading of a badly written script.

It didn’t matter. They would fail his test tomorrow and Kakashi could go home and continue to live his life in misery and hate. Great.

“See me tomorrow at training ground seven at five in the morning. Don’t eat anything, you’re just gonna puke.”

And he disappeared in another shunshin, leaving behind three very unimpressed Genin. What was Iruka teaching these kids nowadays?

He went home and actually read the files he had been given. Something was going on here. But the rest of the files didn’t contradict what he had guessed from the first page. He was supposed to have three idiotic kids and not…whatever he had gotten. No. He was not gonna figure out what had happened. He would fail these kids and shove them unto the next unsuspecting Jonin-sensei. Who cares if he was the last person who could teach Sasuke about the Sharingan. Or that that was his sensei’s son. Nope. He was not intrigued at all. This was not his job at all. (Except that it was.)

The next morning he woke up at 6:30 and wondered if the kids had actually waited this long. He got ready and arrived at the training field at seven. The three of them were there, playing cards. Sakura looked in his direction for less than a second, but there is no way she could have sensed him. Must be a coincidence, since the three of them continued playing cards.

Kakashi let them wallow for a little while, visited the memorial stone and finally resigned himself to grace the Genin with his presence an hour later. 

His appearance was met with three kids looking up at him eagerly, not even slightly mad about him being almost three hours late. At least until both Sakura and Sasuke shot Naruto a glance. The blonde boy looked between his teammates, then at Kakashi.

“Sensei how dare you be late to our first training. I mean that is just rude. Shouldn’t shinobi be more punctual?”

Sakura nodded and gave Kakashi a disapproving look.

“Maa well, I had things to do, help an old lady cross the street, get a cat out of a tree, you know how it is. Now then, it’s time for your test. I have these two bells. Those who get them will pass, those who don’t get sent back to the academy.”

All he got as an answer was a “hn” from Sasuke. 

“Great. Let’s start.”

And he disappeared. From his hiding place he saw Sasuke hiding in bushes (badly) and Sakura hiding behind a tree (also badly) and Naruto standing in the middle of the field, grinning like a madman.

Naruto held up a sign and hundreds of shadow clones started attacking Kakashi. Hundreds. The boy may be a Jinchuuriki, but even then, it was a bit much. Maybe he was just immune to chakra exhaustion. But even with hundreds of Naruto, he managed to find the real one and managed to tie him to a post without much effort. The boy barely seemed to be struggling. Was he even taking this seriously?

No matter. Next up was Sakura. All he had to do for her was show her a simple genjutsu of Sasuke being injured. It worked like a charm…somehow.

Sakura saw the genjutsu, her hands twitched into the release seal, before she thought better of it.

“Oh no, Sasuke this is so horrible. Eek.” The supposed scream was pitiful. She didn’t even scream. She just said eek out loud and laid down on the floor. Did she…pass out? Yes? Maybe? No matter. Another win for Kakashi, yay.

Last but not least. The avenger. The last Uchiha. Once he found Sasuke the boy offered up a bit of resistance at least. He threw a few kunai, a katon jutsu, and a bit of passable taijutsu. But even he was beaten rather easily. Must be because they are Genin, right? 

Kakashi had never really been a standard Genin, and hadn’t had contact with normal Genin either. His own team didn’t count, it was wartime and things were different back then. Maybe he should have asked about power levels in Genin. Well, now it was too late. 

He officially told them the test was over, which didn’t seem to rattle the three of them too much. Weird kids. Then he told them not to share any food with Naruto.

He didn’t even need to walk away. As soon as he had spoken those words, both Sakura and Sasuke pulled out an extra lunchbox and started feeding it to Naruto. While looking Kakashi in the eye. They were smiling.

Cheeky little brats.

It seems even if they could do nothing else, at least they had teamwork. He didn’t know how or why, because they definitely shouldn’t have any teamwork at all. But they had. And they were weird, and Kakashi was bored, and shit. He realized that he was actually going to let them pass. This would probably be the worst decision of his life. Then again, his entire life had been bad decisions. 

So he passed them. 

And for the first times it seemed like their reaction of joy was real.

Asuma knew what he was getting into. The new Ino-Chika-Cho trio. They should already have some teamwork at least and Asuma was familiar enough with their formation that he could teach them easily enough. Being a Jonin sensei couldn’t be that hard. He actually wanted to do this he wasn’t Kakashi after all. Still, his kids seemed just a little bit weird.  
“I’m Asuma and I will be your sensei. Why don’t you introduce yourselves?”

First weird thing. All three of his students looked at him like they wanted to tackle him into a hug, cry, and then wrap him up in blankets and put him somewhere safe. Weird enough. 

Second weird thing. The Nara started introducing himself. He should be last. The lazy one of the team.

“I’m Shikamaru. I like cloud watching and dislike working hard. My hobby is cloud watching. I look forward to working with you.”

Asuma nodded politely and looked at the Akimichi and the Yamanaka.

The Yamanaka went next.

“I’m Ino, and I look forward to working with you as well. I like…Sasuke…because I am most definitely straight. Haha. I dislike people who trample our flowers. My hobby is gardening.”

That was weird thing number three. 

Shikamaru just muttered a very silent “troublesome”.

Last one was the Akimichi.

“I’m Choji. I like eating and I dislike expired food. My hobby is eating.”

Well, Choji certainly had many interests.

“Great. Next up we will do a little test and if you pass it you will officially be under my tutelage until you become Genin. Let’s do this.”

Weird thing number four: All three kids moved almost rehearsed. They weren’t bad per se, but their movement was stiff. They passed the test alright, but it was almost as if they had a solution to the problem and would only choose that one way to do it. That didn’t seem like something a Nara would do. Then again these were kids. And he hadn’t been a Jonin sensei before. 

How weird could it be?

Kurenai looked at her cute little students. This would be her first time teaching kids, she was a little nervous. But it would be fine. Weirdly enough, Kurenai looked more nervous about the test than her Genin. And they were the ones who wanted to be promoted. She had nothing to lose here.

But she didn’t get to Jonin rank by backing down from a challenge. So she smiled at the kids and introduced herself.

“I’m Yuuhi Kurenai, and if you pass my test, I will be your sensei. We will spar a little and I will test your capabilities in other areas as well. I like the colour red and dislike people looking down on me.”

The Inuzuka boy was the first to introduce himself.

“My name is Kiba, and this is my partner Akamaru. I like playing with Akamaru and dislike having to clean at home. My hobby is drawing.”

He smiled at her and then clapped his female teammate on the back. The Hyuuga.

“I’m Hinata. I like reading and dislike slavery seals. My hobby is writing.”

One of those was not like the other. But the girl’s smile didn’t betray that she had said something weird, even if Kiba looked as if he was trying to stifle laughter.

The Aburame interrupted before anyone could ask Hinata any questions.

“I’m Shino. I like spring, dislike bug spray and my hobby is discovering new insects.”

Kurenai nodded and got up to conduct her test. The kids were a little weird, but they were gonna be shinobi, so that was basically a prerequisite. The other teams were probably like this as well…right? She would ask later. For now she had a team to judge. But she had no doubt that she would pass them.

Gai was ready for another day of youthful team mission. They had a few D-ranks today, but that would serve as a great lesson and even works for the benefit of Konoha!  
Something did seem a little weird though. His students were listening to him. They didn’t interrupt him. They didn’t complain. They didn’t fight one another.   
They must have finally found their spirit of youth!

Somewhere in the village of Sunagakure, Baki looked suspiciously between his three students. The siblings were…talking. That didn’t seem right. Why hasn’t Gaara tried to kill them yet? Why weren’t Temari and Kankuro running away in fear? Something must be up. 

Then again, actually working with them had been so much easier. Maybe he would let things be for a while longer…

Somewhere deep under Konoha an old man was stabbed by a pale boy with a genuine smile. The village would be none the wiser.  
If someone else would take up the mantle of the elder…maybe it would even be better for Konoha.

In the hideout of the Akatsuki, a man opened his eye and prepared for a better future.


	2. Chapter 2

Kakashi wasn’t quite sure what to do with his students. He never expected to actually let them pass, and neither did anyone else in the room once he had announced it to the Hokage. He was entirely unprepared. So he did what he did best. Nothing. Well, basically. He gave them a lot of D-rank missions. 

And he observed them. They did the missions easily enough, with a good amount of complaining. They had all finally gotten sensible clothes and haircuts. They claimed it was because they were real shinobi now, their promotion had served as an event to change their style. Well, at least they didn’t stick out anymore. Kakashi was really glad about that.  
He also wondered why he had been assigned as a sensei. His students trained on their own when he wasn’t there, they went to the library (all of them) and they asked him questions to which it seemed they already knew the answer to.

Maybe it was time for a few tests.

So he gave them scrolls, claiming they were low level jutsu. (They weren’t.) Kakashi wasn’t sure if they had figured it out already, but they claimed they couldn’t do it. He had watched them; they had barely tried. They also knew their elemental affinities. Must be something they taught at the academy now. (They didn’t.) 

The only good news about all of this was that the other sensei of this generation had also claimed that their students were very, very weird. So it must be normal, right?

Everything went rather smoothly until the day Naruto started pestering the Hokage to give them a C-rank mission. Kakashi wasn’t sure if they were ready, but he wasn’t sure of anything so he just agreed to it. 

The kids seemed to be very happy about that at least.

Once he met the bridge builder, he knew the man was lying. But then again, what’s the worst that can happen? His kids didn’t seem to notice anything strange, or if they did, they didn’t mention it.

So Kakashi didn’t either.

He was proud when his three Genin took out two Chunin level opponents, but now it was time to get the civilian to talk.

He did talk.

Kakashi asked his students to turn around, but Naruto held a very motivating speech and tried to stab himself in the hand. He tried, seeing how both Sakura and Sasuke stopped him from doing it.

“We all believe how motivated you are, no need to stab yourself.” Sakura said.

Naruto shrugged. “But I thought…”

Sasuke slapped a hand over his mouth. “Yes I think we can let this slide. Sensei I agree with Naruto, we should continue on.”

That was enough to convince Kakashi, so they continued on their merry way.

Everything would be fine.

Surprising absolutely no one, especially not Kakashi with his great luck, they were attacked by Zabuza. A Kiri missing nin. 

Well, Kakashi wasn’t one of Konoha’s greatest shinobi for nothing!

Which is why he ended the fight being unable to pursue the obviously fake hunter nin and battling his own chakra exhaustion. Maybe he was out of shape.

At least the kids were alright.

They were more than alright. They just picked up their almost unconscious sensei and didn’t seem rattled by the whole experience at all. Great. Another point to add to the weirdness of team seven. The list was getting longer every day. Kakashi was too tired to care.

Once he woke up from a day long nap, he decided to train his students for real, in case Zabuza came back. Even if his students didn’t believe he would be back. They were so innocent in their belief, acting as if they knew better. 

Even if he didn’t come back, at least he had given his students some training. 

Kakashi waited. The bridge was completed, their mission was done. Zabuza hadn’t shown his face. They returned to Konoha without any further complications. That couldn’t be right. He was never this lucky. He still waited for the other shoe to drop, but even as he stood in the Hokage’s office and reported their first C-rank, or rather A-rank mission, nothing happened.

“Guess you got lucky that Zabuza didn’t show up again. You must have scared him off.” Sarutobi told him.

Naruto smiled. “Yeah, lucky.”

Sakura punched him in the ribs.

Kakashi ignored them. They had the rest of the day off. 

-

Earlier:

“So, Zabuza, what would you say if we offered you Gato’s head and like all of his money if you returned to Kiri and helped Terumi Mei overthrow the current Mizukage?”

“Who are you and how did you get in here?”

-

The chunin exams were drawing closer. Kakashi wanted to nominate his team. A few weeks ago he would have nominated them so they could be crushed and learn a lesson, but now he knew that he had no idea what his students were capable of, so the sooner they wouldn’t be his problem anymore the better.

At least the other rookie teams were nominated as well. Kakashi wondered if they were as weird as his team, good enough, or about to learn a harsh lesson. He would see.

When he walked the streets a few days before the exams, he saw Naruto sprint in the direction of the gate. He decided to follow. 

He did not expect Naruto to tackle the Kazekage’s son into a hug. Much less, he expected the red-haired kid to smile.

“Do you know this boy Naruto?”

Naruto hadn’t let go of the boy, when he looked Kakashi in the eye. “No.”

The red-haired kid now looked at Kakashi as well. “I have never seen this boy before in my life.”

Kakashi just nodded. “Aha. Welcome to Konoha.”

And he left. Whatever. Not his problem.

Maybe they just had a relationship with Suna. A vacation. Suna wasn’t that far from Konoha anyways. If they had made friends with someone from Takigakure, that would be interesting. Or from Kumogakure.

It seems Kakashi shouldn’t have tempted fate, because when the Taki delegation arrived a day later, it was Sakura who hugged and smiled at a green haired genin. 

“You sure have some interesting friends Sakura.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about sensei, this is my first time meeting this person, I just thought she looked very huggable.”

The green-haired genin was practically vibrating with excitement.

“It’s true! I have never met Sakura before! Konoha has so many nice and interesting people!”

Kakashi just nodded as Sakura grabbed the other girl and led her away. At least the girl’s teammates (who didn’t seem like genin to be honest) looked very confused.

“Did she just…kidnap Fuu?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Better get used to it.” He disappeared in a shunshin, but not before the two not-genin ran after her teammate, shouting.

“Wait Fuu you are not allowed to go around on your own come back!”

Maybe Kakashi enjoyed not being the only exasperated shinobi for once. Maybe he should have a talk with Baki, the Kazekage’s children’s sensei. And the sensei of this Fuu. They would fit right in with what was now called the Konoha 12 sensei drinking night. It consisted of himself, Kurenai, Asuma, and recently even Gai had joined. Their kids were just so goddamn weird.

-

The last delegation sat to arrive was from Kirigakure. There had recently been another civil war and the new Mizukage had decided to pursue friendly relations with the other villages and had sent a few genin teams their way as well.

Kakashi was assigned at the gate when they arrived. He did not expect to see Zabuza there. The last time they had met, they had been trying to kill each other. But Zabuza wore a new headband without the signature missing-nin scratch and had three kids trailing behind him. One of them kind of reminded Kakashi of the fake hunter-nin that had carried Zabuza’s body away. Kakashi tensed when the formidable shinobi made his way over to him.

“Sup Hatake. I guess your mission in Wave went well?”

The man was entirely too friendly.

“Not thanks to you.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry about that. I found a better gig and didn’t even bother you further, guess we can call it even. Are your little menaces around?”

Kakashi’s hand went to his kunai pouch. He knew they couldn’t fight here, but what did this man want with his kids?

“What do you want from them?”

Zabuza just shrugged.

“Ah, you know, nothing special. They can meet my students, learn about our awesome revolution and I may or may not have promised one of them to teach them kenjutsu.”

Maybe another time Kakashi would have reacted to that. But his genin were already so goddamn weird, this might as well happen.

“Sure whatever. I don’t even care anymore. They can’t be found if they don’t want to be, but I’m sure they already know you’re here and will come to you if they want anything. Enjoy your stay in Konoha.”

And Kakashi left. He had another problem now and wasn’t drunk enough to deal with it.

-

Finally the day of the exams rolled around. Kakashi sent his students off and went home. They would be fine.

He was right with that. His students had passed and they were fine. Kotetsu and Izumo, proctors of the first exam, however, were not fine.

They were both crying and drunk when they told the Konoha 12 sensei brigade what had happened during the exam.

“It all started with a little genjutsu to confuse them about which floor the were on. We stood at a wrong door and pretended to be examinees who didn’t let the other’s pass. We got paint buckets over our head for the trouble. I can’t prove it was them, but I swear!”

“Then Sasuke and Naruto just kidnapped a red-haired girl from another village and said: ‘You don’t get Karin back until you learn to appreciate her’. I mean what the fuck?”

“The test itself didn’t go any better. Some of them didn’t even bother answering the first nine questions as if they knew what was going to happen! The others were blatantly cheating of each other’s papers, but not of their friends, no, that would be normal! The Suna shinobi literally handed his paper over to a Taki shinobi, she passed it on to a Konoha shinobi, he passed it on to Kiri and then they gave it back and smiled? What is wrong with them? How do they know them? How comes they have more inter-village relationships than all of our jonin combined?”

“And then Ibiki came in and gave his whole spiel about the last question and before a single person could raise their hand…they just laughed at him. They looked at Ibiki and laughed…what the fuck I can’t do this. I have never seen Ibiki like this, he is the head of T&I I doubt anyone has ever dared to laugh at him. We can’t go to work tomorrow. There have never been so many genin pass the first test. Our reputation is ruined.”

Gai just patted the two chunin on the back and gave them comforting smiles. It seems the Konoha 12 drinking evening would have a few new faces from now on.

-

Iruka had been informed that he would be summoned if Naruto’s team had made it through the forest of death. But they had a few days to complete this part of the exam, so he sat down at home and graded a few papers.

He did not expect to be summoned half and hour into the exam. He especially didn’t expect the tower to be so crowded. There were four teams from Konoha, one from Suna, one from Taki and one from Kiri.

The sensei were all equally surprised. None of the students had even a scratch on them. Furthermore, there were a lot more scrolls here than necessary. Something must have happened, but the genin just shrugged and said they had been lucky. Sure. Whatever.

He was just glad they were all okay. This was great. Now they had a few days to relax, even if they couldn’t leave the tower.

-

Orochimaru was furious. There were way too many genin teams in this forest. He couldn’t just kill them all, that would take too much time and he had things to do. To find Sasuke and give him the curse mark, to fester his hate until he came willingly, until the day came that he could take over the Uchiha’s body. 

It took him about an hour, but there he was, finally. They hadn’t noticed him yet. But that wasn’t any fun. So he jumped down in the form of a female Grass shinobi, and couldn’t wait to see their shocked and scared faces.

Shocked and scared…

They looked bored. Well, he hadn’t revealed himself yet after all.

The pink haired girl looked at him and yawned. “Sorry, it’s a bit early for dinner but you can stay and have some later if you want.”

What?

Sasuke shook his head at his teammate’s antics. Very good. The angrier he was the easier it would be to manipulate him.

“Sakura you can’t just offer them dinner. I mean at this time? I’m sure we could whip up some tea at least. Do you have the cookies we made yesterday?”

What?

Something was weird here. It didn’t matter. He just had to inflict the boy with his curse mark. A taste of power and he would beg for more.

So he stretched his neck and bit the boy on the neck. He hadn’t moved. This was surprisingly easy.

Until the clone popped.

Naruto crossed his arms. “Now that’s just rude, we even offered you food! Sasuke! Is! Not! Dinner!”

He punctuated every word by pulling out a ladle and whacking it over Orochimaru’s head. Needless to say that clone popped quickly as well.

Now only the pink haired girl was left. She yawned again.

“You know, we have placed quite a few clones everywhere. We even have a bingo board to see which of our clone teams gets popped first. Whoever gets five in a row won’t have to do laundry for a month! So if you don’t mind, the clones in my middle row are a few hundred meters north of here, if you could pop them first?”

Her clone was quickly popped as well.

Something was severely wrong here. This genin were toying with him. Him! The great Sannin Orochimaru! But they are just brats. They must still be in this forest somewhere. How hard could it be to find three little kids?

…

Very hard apparently. On the third day Orochimaru had popped over thirty teams of clones. And he hadn’t gotten any closer to the real Sasuke.

Apparently, Sakura won the bingo. Wasn’t that just great. It didn’t matter. He still had other plans, and he had a month to think about those. He wasn’t sulking. Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it ^^


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi knew that his little menaces had passed the exam after thirty minutes. Now seven whole teams held a new record of beating the forest of death. And not a single team had made it there afterwards. Apparently, they had been attacked by clones.

There would have to be preliminaries to reduce the number of people participating in the final round. So the children would have to fight each other despite being utterly exhausted from their long and strenuous journey through the forest of death. (Haha. As if they didn’t have three days of rest. A rest they didn’t need.)

Before the preliminaries started, the two not-genin from Taki announced that they would like to withdraw. Kakashi assumed that they must be a protection detail for the girl. At least now they had less participants. From 21 to 19.

The first fight was Sasuke against one of the boys on Zabuza’s team. Kakashi wouldn’t quite call it a fight. As soon as Hayate called the start the boy collapsed. A genjutsu probably. Sasuke shrugged and walked back up to the spectators.

The next match was Shino versus Kankuro. This match was rather…anticlimactic as well. Shino let out a few insects at the start.

Kankuro frowned. “Do I want to know what those can do?”

Shino shrugged. “They eat wood.”

Kankuro shivered. “Yeah, no thanks. I forfeit.”

The match was anticlimactic, but the reaction of Baki was priceless. He looked as if someone had punched him in the gut.

“How could you just forfeit? Don’t you know what’s at stake here?”

The Suna shinobi was fuming and shouted at his student. Said student just shrugged.

“Yeah, I know, but I prefer my puppets uneaten, thanks.”

Kakashi turned his attention to the next match. He had somehow expected a little bit more blood and carnage. He probably wasn’t the only one. But it seemed the days locked up in a tower brought people together.

The next match was Sakura versus Ino. This would probably end bad. Those two had been friends for a long time. It was hard to fight friends. Both girls walked into the arena with a solemn look on their face.

Hayate called the start, but neither girl moved. They just looked at each other.

Then Sakura grabbed into one of her pouches and held two senbon in her hand. She walked to the middle of the arena and held them out.

Ino sighed and walked towards her, grabbing one of the senbon. It had a black mark on it.

“Urgh. Fine, you win. I forfeit.”

Hayate looked at her. “Are you sure?”

Ino laughed. “Of course I’m sure. I picked the wrong senbon so I gotta forfeit. I’m not gonna fight my friend and show everyone my skills. I mean what are the chances I will meet them at the next exams?”

Hayate shot a look up to Kakashi. Kakashi just shrugged. What was he supposed to do about this?

“Winner is Haruno Sakura.”

The next match was Tenten versus Temari. 

Temari held a large fan, which would probably destroy Tenten since she was a weapon mistress. Maybe now the chunin exams would finally live up to their reputation.

But no, when Hayate called the start, Tenten sat down in the middle of the floor and pulled out a deck of playing cards. And Temari just sat down and accepted her cards. 

The arena was deathly silent. Kakashi couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He could accept Ino forfeiting and not wanting to fight her childhood best friend, but those two were from different villages. They shouldn’t even know each other!

After a few tense minutes of silence Temari threw the last of her cards to the floor and grinned. Tenten sighed.

“I forfeit.”

This time Hayate didn’t even question it.

“Winner is Temari.”

At least she wasn’t screamed at by her sensei. He seemed to be in shock.

The nest match was Shikamaru versus the other member of Zabuza’s team that wasn’t the fake hunter-nin.

That match didn’t last long as well. At least it was a fight this time. 

Shikamaru yawned and immediately grabbed his opponents shadow. Then he let his opponent run into a wall.

“Winner is Shikamaru Nara.”

The next match was Naruto versus Kiba.

As soon as the match started Naruto grabbed something out of his bag and threw it on the ground in front of him. 

Nothing happened.

At least until Akamaru ran forward and ate whatever Naruto had thrown down.

Kiba shook his head.

“Akamaru, buddy, really? He just threw that on the ground don’t eat that.”

Naruto grinned and picked up the dog.

“Haha, I have a hostage. You better surrender Kiba or I will cuddle Akamaru to death!”

The boy sighed. “I forfeit. Now please give me back my partner.”

Naruto ran up the wall with Akamaru still in his arms. “No! He’s mine now!”

Kiba growled and ran after him. “Naruto!”

Kakashi grabbed his student by the scruff. “Be polite.”

Akamaru jumped out of Naruto’s arms and ran back to Kiba to lick his face. “Pft, traitor.”

The next match was Hinata versus Neji. Both opponents seemed very calm. 

Hayate called the match to start, but wasn’t surprised when no one moved. Then Neji addresses him.

“Please pick a number between zero and one hundred, Hayate-san. Do not disclose the information with us.”

Hayate looked between the two as if to ask if they were serious. They both looked at him expectantly.

“I have one.”

Hinata nodded. “23.”

Neji answered with a “71”.

They looked at Hayate again. “So, which one is closer?”

Hayate looked between the two clan kids. They shouldn’t be like this.

“I had 64. Neji was closer.”

Hinata smiled. “Too bad. I forfeit.”

“Winner is Neji Hyuuga.”

Kakashi looked at the clock. This was going surprisingly fast for supposed fights.

The next fight was Gaara versus Lee.

Kakashi had a bad feeling about Gaara, but he couldn’t quite name what it was. But he also doubted that this fight would be any different than the rest. A round of rock-paper-scissors with Lee forfeiting afterwards proved him right.

The next fight was Choji versus Haku.

Haku took initiative. “If you forfeit, I will buy you dinner until the finals. Being a missing nin pays surprisingly well.”

Kakashi wondered if Asuma was ashamed of how easy his student had given in.

Fuu was the last person who still had to fight. They would have a random participant fight twice. I probably didn’t matter, as all except the two Kiri participants hadn’t actually fought.

Maybe it was karma that Shikamaru would fight twice. 

Maybe this was a stupid idea, since Shikamaru didn’t even get up from where he was napping when he shouted that he would forfeit.

Asuma shook his head in defeat.

“What? I already won my fight. I’m in the finals anyways. Now Fuu owes me a favour for passing her.”

Well, they couldn’t argue with that logic. The preliminaries of the chunin exams were over and the finals would take place one month later. And Kakashi had three kids to prepare.  
“Alright brats. We have one month where each of you will get a teacher to train until the finals. Now usually this is the part where I tell you what to do. But you wouldn’t do that anyways. So tell me what you want to do and I will see how I can help.”

That seemed to bring a genuine smile to the kids faces. At least he did something right. Naruto piped up first.

“I heard Jiraiya is coming into town. I’ll follow him around and make sure he doesn’t get himself into trouble.”

Kakashi had no idea how the boy knew that, but it seemed about right.

“Great, have one of the Sannin teach. If you need any help finding him come get me, I’m a tracker. What about you Sasuke?”

“Well we can’t all have the luck of our preferred Sannin marching into town so I will see what I can do.”

Oh no. He wasn’t talking about Orochimaru was he? He didn’t want to follow into that traitor’s footsteps. That would be horrible. The only person who could teach him remotely like Orochimaru would be Anko, and that somehow seemed like an even worse option.

Oblivious to his teacher’s predicament, Sasuke continued talking.

“So I guess I’ll just ask around the hospital.”

What?

“What?”

Sasuke crossed his arms. “Well Tsunade isn’t here to teach me and I think I have the best chances of learning medical jutsu in the hospital.”

Ah. Of course. Why was Kakashi even surprised by anything anymore.

“You plan to kill your brother with medical jutsu?”

“Yes.”

“Aha. Well, sorry this is one avenue I can’t help with. The hospital hates me. It’s mutual. Maybe if you tell them that you annoy me even more than they usually do, they will take a liking to you and help.”

“Hn.”

“What about you Sakura?”

Please don’t say you want to be like Orochimaru, please don’t say you want to be like Orochimaru, please…

“Well I already convinced Zabuza to give me a few kenjutsu lessons but I’m not sure how much time he has since he has to train Haku as well.”

Right. Zabuza had said something like that. Kakashi had assumed he meant Sasuke. Then again, his students never acted how he expected them to.

“I can ask Hayate. He was your proctor and is one of the best swordsmen in the village. He owes me a favour. And if you promise to behave, and with that I mean give me a month-long vacation while training I might even use my old ANBU contacts so you can train under Yuugao. She’s even better than him but doesn’t have much time on her hands. Then again, the two of them are practically married, so impress one and you get two for the price of one.”

Sakura grinned. “Thanks sensei!”

Kakashi looked between the three of his students.

“Do you promise to not cause trouble?”

He didn’t receive an answer. Wrong question then. He tried again.

“Do you promise to make sure none of your mischief can be traced back to you, or even worse, to me?”

“Yes, sensei!” All three shouted in unison. Great. Maybe he would get that vacation after all.

-

The nurses of the hospital never expected the last Uchiha to come to them and ask for training. But when he told them he had seen enough carnage in his live and wanted to make a difference some other way, there was no way they could turn him down. 

-

Sakura now had three very dedicated teachers to teach her kenjutsu. They all wanted to prove they were better than the other two. It was hilarious to watch. Maybe not for the others, since most people immediately fled the training ground once they saw a pink haired girl with a sword march in.

-

Jiraiya had a little time left before he got to meet his godson. He decided to spend this time with research. Research, of course, meant peeking into the women’s bath house.  
He did not expect to be doused with water.

“Bad Sannin. Peeping is wrong.”

Next to him stood his godson. He was armed with multiple spray bottles filled with water. He hadn’t even noticed him coming.

“Do you even know who I am kid? I am…”

Naruto sprayed him again.

“I know. Teach me how to build an information network and be a good spy.”

That was not what Jiraiya expected of Kushina’s kid.

“Wouldn’t you rather learn interesting and cool jutsu?”

He was sprayed again. 

“Nope.”

Now Jiraiya was doused and confused. But the kid looked so much like Minato… he just couldn’t refuse.

“Okay.”

He was sprayed again.

“What was that for???”

Naruto grinned sheepishly.

“Oops. Didn’t think you’d say yes. Thanks old man!”

Jiraiya figured this would be a long and wet month. At least for him.

-

Asuma looked at his team. Ino and Choji were looking up at him with innocent eyes. Behind them was a bundle of blankets.

“Have you seen Shikamaru?”

Ino batted her eyelashes.

“Not at all. Maybe you should look somewhere else.”

Choji nodded.

Asuma looked between the two of them, and Shikamaru, who was obviously sleeping behind them and had been covered by a blanket.

“Ok. If you do see him, tell him he can ask me for training for the finals.”

“I’m sure if he were here, he would tell you that he could take care of it himself, and that he doesn’t need your help, but is very grateful for the offer.” Choji said.

“Aha.”

Choji continued. “But since you are already offering, would you mind referring me to the hospital? I would like to like to learn medical jutsu and see how certain nutrition might influence performance and health.”

Ino smiled at him. “I know I didn’t make it to the finals either, but you don’t happen to have some connections in T&I?”

Asuma blinked.

“You want to join torture and interrogation?”

“Yes sensei.”

Asuma thought back to Kotetsu and Izumo crying in the bar. If Ino wanted something she would get it. If he referred her, they would know when to make themselves scarce. It’s all he could do for now.

“Okay. Please don’t cause any problems that can be traced back to me.”

Shikamaru raised his voice from under the blanket.

“We wouldn’t dare sensei.”

“Good.”

-

Kurenai looked down on her students. One of them had made it to the finals and he needed training (probably), but that didn’t mean she would neglect the others.

“Shino, since you won your round you can choose with whom you want to train and what you want to do. You have priority, but I’ll make sure Hinata and Kiba will be trained as well.”

Shino nodded.

“I’ve been thinking about poisons. DO you have connections to Anko or Genma?”

Kurenai wondered how he knew that they were Konoha’s poison specialists, but she was training a team of information gatherers, so maybe they were just better than she thought. Not that she had know what to think for a long time now.

Kiba piped up.

“You don’t need to worry about me. Every team needs a medic, and my sister said she could recommend me to the hospital. I was thinking of branching into the mental ward later on, to see how support dogs influence mental health.”

Kurenai looked at the student who seemed so brash and wild at first.

“That seems like a great goal. Very specific. Are you sure? I will help you, of course.”

“Yeah, I had a lot of time to think about it.”

Wasn’t he twelve? No matter. Kurenai was glad to see her students so determined.

Hinata spoke up as well.

“If you don’t mind, sensei, I would like to learn genjutsu from you. I’m a frontline fighter with the gentle fist technique, but I wanted something new under my sleeve. The Hyuuga haven’t tried to incorporate genjutsu into their fighting style since our eyes can see through most of them, but I would like to try.”

Kurenai smiled. That was something she could do indeed. Ans since her student had asked so nicely and confidently, she wouldn’t go easy on her.

Maybe it had shown in her smile, since all three of her students backed away a little.

“Let’s get started.”


	4. Chapter 4

The day of the finals arrived and Kakashi couldn’t be happier. There was no way his weird students didn’t make chunin. They were good enough, even if they sloppily tried to hide it. The last month had been the most relaxed since…ever. They had honoured their agreement and left him alone, and Kakashi had enjoyed it to the fullest.

And if his students managed to make chunin, he wouldn’t have to bother with that again. He did try to not put too much hope into his plan. After all, his students often did what he least expected. Just throwing the exams would be very in character, actually.

The first fight was Naruto versus Neji. Jiraiya had informed him that Naruto had learned all about espionage during the training month. Because what child preparing for a battle tournament wouldn’t learn that.

Apparently Neji had been a very closed-off and rude Hyuuga. That was before the change. That’s what the jonin sensei called it now. The day of graduation. Something had happened there. They had even invited Baki to drink with them, the man seemed very intrigued, but respectfully refused in the end. A shame. Bonding over crazy kids would surely help inter-village relationships.

Down in the arena the fight started and both opponents threw a few flashy moves around. They moved almost as if dancing, not ending the fight despite having openings. It was as if they were putting on a show for the audience. The civilian audience. A shinobi would most certainly figure out what was happening here.

Kakashi looked through the audience at his fellow shinobi. They seemed very impressed with the fight.

…Okay maybe he shouldn’t hold his shinobi in such high regard.

Genma called the match when Naruto finally managed to knock Neji out. The man had been chosen as proctor since Hayate had helped Sakura with kenjutsu and couldn’t show favouritism. Hayate had given it his all to help Sakura, even reducing his guard duties around the village. He was covered of course, but in the end nothing happened.

Good to see that his students were taken care of.

The following match should have been Sasuke versus Gaara, but Sasuke didn’t show. Since he worked at the hospital it was decided to wait for him in case he was involved in a medical emergency. Their fight was moved until Sasuke showed up, as long as it happened during the first round.

Next up were Temari and Shikamaru. The fight was interesting to watch. Temari’s attacks were very powerful, but in the end Shikamaru was smarter and managed to catch her in his jutsu. This would surely secure his win if he just held her long enough. But he was probably already promoted with this demonstration.

Apparently Shikamaru knew that as well, since he raised his (and Temari’s) hand and forfeited. Typical.

As they walked out of the arena Sasuke showed up and said he was ready to fight. He didn’t bother with an explanation of where he had been. Because why would he.

But two matches were all the normal Kakashi got on the first day off vacation. Maybe the universe wanted to pay him back for relaxing a month. Because suddenly the whole stadium started to fall asleep. That couldn’t be right. At least the fight wasn’t that boring. 

It got worse. Of course it got worse.

The Kazekage revealed himself to be Orochimaru and trapped the Hokage in a barrier. Kakashi had no idea how to destroy that barrier.

Genma stepped next to him. “What do we do?”

Raidou walked to him as well. “Do you have any idea on how to break that barrier?”

Kakashi shook his head. “The Hokage can handle himself. We need to evacuate the civilians and wake everyone. I don’t think we can break the barrier we don’t have time to lose here.”

It took him a while, but the evacuation finished smoothly. There didn’t seem to be many casualties, the invading force was tiny and apparently drunk, or at least on some kind of drugs. The only problem proved the barrier.

Shikaku Nara said Kakashi was the one with the most sealing and barrier knowledge except for Jiraiya, who wasn’t here, so he stood by the barrier and examined it. He also listened in to Orochimaru, who was still talking and posturing about his great invasion. He hadn’t realized that his invasion was over and that he was the last one.

The Hokage didn’t get a single word in as Orochimaru continued. Kakashi would have accused him of stalling, but every second was to Konoha’s benefit.

Apparently at one point the Hokage has had enough and interrupted him.

“Look Orochimaru I am flattered you come here and give me all this attention but you are talking to the wrong person. The real Hokage is sleeping in his bed, I’m just a shadow clone. I’m supposed to stall for time but you are doing that job on your own beautifully. Sorry your invasion didn’t work; would you like to take a souvenir home?”

The clone popped. Orochimaru stood there in silence for a few seconds. Then he looked around at the perfectly intact city. The barrier dropped. Orochimaru was gone.

It was a pretty anticlimactic end for a supposed invasion.

But Kakashi could deal with that.

He found the Hokage sleeping in his bed as advertised. 

When he woke him and explained the situation, the old man just got his pipe out and shook his head.

“Nope. This is it. I retire. I don’t care how you do it, but get Tsunade here. Call Jiraiya. I’m done.”

And Sarutobi turned around and continued to sleep.

At least he hadn’t made Kakashi Hokage. Poor Tsunade though.

-

Itachi made his way to his old home. He hadn’t been here in a long time. And he hadn’t expected to come back. But he couldn’t refuse a job. Even if the Akatsuki’s orders had been a little…weird lately.

A figure appeared in front of him. He hadn’t even sensed them coming. Then they looked him in the eyes, and Itachi stood face to face with his biggest regret.  
“Sup bro, we need to talk.”

-

The week after the invasion they found Tsunade at the Hokage’s desk. No one had seen her coming. She just scowled at everyone who asked her weird questions. She did her job good enough. People accepted it and moved on.

-

One evening:

“Sasuke, please, I love you so much, don’t go to Orochimaru.” 

“Sakura we are both gay.”

“Let me have my fun. I packed you lunch and warm clothing. Don’t forget to write. Now knock me out and go.”

-

Tsunade looked at the four genin and one recently promoted chunin.

“I have my reasons for sending you to retrieve Sasuke Uchiha. Time is of the essence. Now go.”

-

The five of them returned after a few hours without a single scratch. But without Sasuke. They did have some other person with them.

“In the end it’s his decision, you know? Maybe he will write a few letters. We did defeat those sound nin, if it’s any consolation. We also brought back another present. This is Kimimaro. He’s sick, but I’m sure you can help.”

-

Orochimaru looked down at his new host body. He hadn’t expected the kid to come, not after failing to inflict the curse mark or his rather…sad showing at the invasion. But the kid had come after all.

“Tell me Sasuke…which jutsu would you like to learn from me? I can give you strength, power, …”

He was interrupted by a polite cough.

“I’m sorry there must have been a misunderstanding. I would actually like to learn medical jutsu. If you taught Kabuto you must be pretty good. I’d also like to take a look at the rest of your research if you don’t mind.”

Orochimaru looked at the kid with suspicion. There was no way he was loyal enough to his village to be an undercover spy.

“Why didn’t you ask Tsunade? I am glad you chose me but she is revered to be the best med nin there is.”

Sasuke shrugged.

“She’s Hokage. She’s busy. It would be rude to ask. Also, I wanted to visit Karin.”

Orochimaru’s eye twitched a little.

“You do know that I run a village as well.”

At that the little shit actually laughed.

“Oh come on, you’re not a real Kage.”

‘You need his body, you need his body’, he chanted silently in his head. There was a reason for this. Just a few years. Then this would be over.

-

Kakashi walked through the street of Konoha, a shopping bag in hand, Pakkun on his head. He crossed a street and stood face to face with Danzo. He froze.

Danzo smiled at him. The smile felt fake.

“Kakashi, what a coincidence. Sorry, no time to chat, I have some matters to attend to.”

He didn’t want to, but Kakashi stepped aside. This was one man he couldn’t pick a fight with.

Then Danzo backtracked.

“Actually wait, I do have time for this. Would you mind if I drew a picture of you? With that dog? It would look great.”

Was this a ruse? Would he try to recruit him into ROOT again? Was it a new jutsu?

Apparently not. It didn’t take long, and Danzo had a freshly painted picture with him. Then he left without a word.

Kakashi stood there for a moment. His weird kids being weird, he could deal with. But Danzo? The shadow leader of Konoha?

An ANBU landed next to him. Tenzo, Kakashi recognized.

“Don’t worry senpai. He’s been doing that a lot recently. ROOT seems to have a new agenda, but I’m not sure what they do now. The are more openly active, even inside of Konoha. But I’m keeping an eye on him, just in case.”

“Hm. Okay. Maybe the genin curse infected him as well.”

“The what?”

-

Tsunade’s door was kicked in by two genin. Two of those who had made her life a nightmare.

“Tsunade can I go to Kiri? I want to learn more kenjutsu there.”

The worst part was that she knew that if she didn’t give them exactly what they wanted, her life would be even worse.

“You do know that they have better things to do since the civil war?”

Sakura grinned.

“Not really. I don’t think you could call that a war, really. The old Mizukage opened the door for them, gave Mei his hat and said he would retire. Then he left.”

Tsunade gaped at the genin. How did she know that?

“Sure, whatever. Just write and make sure we still have diplomatic relationships once you’re done. Come back regularly.”

“Thanks!” Sakura chirped and jumped out the window.

Tsunade turned to Naruto.

“Teach me how to be Hokage for real. The paperwork and stuff.”

“I have been in this office for a week.”

“Pretty please…”

She shot a pleading look to Shizune. The woman ignored her. Cold.

“You can make a lot of shadow clones, right? Yeah if you actually help with paperwork this will be great.”

Tsunade would make this boy regret forcing her to come here.

-

Baki looked down at his old student, who is now the new Kazekage. He wasn’t sure if the boy was messing with him.

“Are you sure you want to allow a genin team from Otogakure? One of them is a missing nin from Konoha. Do I need to remind you that their Kage is Orochimaru, who killed your father, the former Kazekage?”

Gaara shrugged.

“We shouldn’t be biased just because they murdered a family member here and there. Besides, Sasuke is a friend, we met Karin at the previous chunin exams and the last member, Suigetsu can’t be that bad either. It’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Needless to say, Baki worried. He expected carnage when the Oto delegation arrived. Blood, pain and misery.

He should have known better than to trust his expectations.

The Konoha shinobi greeted their traitor with hugs and an actual cake. Because why not?

Baki wondered if they could just pass all Konoha and the Otogakure nin without a test. They were clearly capable, and he knew how much they had ruined the Konoha exams. Suna had a reputation to uphold.

Just one month. Just one month and this would all be over.

-

One month later Baki sat with four Konoha sensei in a bar. He was drunk and he was crying.

“How?!? What did you teach those monsters? The property damage, the civilian complaints, the pranked jonin, I can’t. The worst thing is we can’t even prove it.”

Kurenai smiled and clapped him on the back.

“Can we have a few more drinks over here please?”

Kakashi nodded.

“You know what, I will actually pay for your drinks today. Thanks to your sacrifice, they are out of my hands. We owe you a life debt.”

That just made Baki cry even more. His student had become Kazekage. There was no way he could dodge him.

But hadn’t Kakashi’s student said he wanted to become Hokage? The poor man didn’t even know this was just a calm before the storm. A very, very bad storm. 

Gai looked over the book Kakashi was reading.

“That’s not your usual book, is it?”

And Kakashi flinched. He mumbled something in his mask and sank into the chair.

“What?” Asuma asked.

Kakashi spoke up.

“These little horrors took all my books. No matter how many I buy, no matter how I guard it, they just disappear and some random other books are there instead. Books from the restricted section of various libraries. This one is from Kumo, I think.”

The Konoha jonin nodded thoughtfully, as if that was completely reasonable.

Baki chugged another glass of alcohol. Maybe he could forget the entire last month if he just drank enough.


	5. Chapter 5

Kakashi was combing through his library of stolen books. He hadn’t stolen a single one, but someone had delivered them to him (his stupid kids, who else) and it would be a shame to throw them away.

‘Forbidden jutsu – do not try’

‘Secret history of Takigakure’

‘Illegal murder methods’

His kids were so thoughtful in their choice of genre. He had just organized his entire bookshelf, when he decided that today would be a great day.

One day he shall learn to never, ever be optimistic.

An ANBU knocked on his window.

“Hokage wants to see you. It’s urgent.”

Kakashi sighed.

“Why?”

The ANBU actually sounded as done as Kakashi felt.

“Two Uchiha just returned to Konoha, and Sasuke is not one of them.”

Shit.

That was indeed something he couldn’t ignore. It didn’t take him long to arrive at the Hokage’s office. Naruto and Sakura were there. Because why not.

Itachi was there as well, and he looked right at home, sitting on the sofa and drinking tea.

Next to him sat another Uchiha with one eye.

Kakashi knew that face.

Obito.

“Sup Bakashi, I’m back.”

Kakashi looked between his students, his not-dead-anymore friend, his old ANBU partner, and his Hokage. They were drinking tea together. As if this was completely normal. 

“No.”

He stepped back, closed the door, and went to the bar. He thought he was used to surprises by now. Apparently not.

-

Jiraiya looked at the letter in his hands one more time. He had received an invitation to talk with the god of Amegakure. He had tried to find info on them for years, and now they just invited him in. He needed to be careful.

He didn’t expect to be greeted by his former student.

“Nagato? Konan? What…Why?”

Nagato smiled at him.

“We have recently come to a few…realizations. We have come to believe that peace will be possible. Amegakure will be a save haven for all shinobi who wish to leave their village. The Akatsuki will protect from now on, not destroy. Itachi and Kisame have decided to return to their villages, the rest will remain here. I will serve as a protector, and Konan will be the Kage. We just wanted to thank you for what you taught us, and ask you to forward our proposal of peace to your Hokage.”

Jiraiya gaped at them.

Okay, his former students wanted peace, great.

They had managed to kill Hanzo.

They were the leaders of Amegakure.

They also just agreed to having led a terrorist organization.

Said terrorist organization was now peaceful.

That was a lot to take in. He needed to sit down. Thankfully, Konan made him a chair out of paper. How very nice.

“Why don’t you start from the beginning?”

-

It had taken a bit of convincing, but they had finally managed to get Kakashi to sit down and listen to Obito’s explanation.

“Okay, so where do I start. I was crushed by rocks, found by Madara Uchiha, yeah, he was still alive back then. No worries, he’s dead now. I had a third of my body replaced with a mix of plants and the first Hokage’s cells. Hey Tsunade, does that make us family?”

Tsunade remained stone-faces.

“Right, sorry. I saw Kakashi kill Rin, and it’s really not your fault, I don’t blame you, don’t worry about it.”

Kakashi may or may not have started to cry at that point. Sakura gave him a shock blanket.

“Then I was controlled and manipulated by a plant to kill Naruto’s parents…oh sorry is that a secret? Ah well, I’m marked KIA, those rules don’t apply to me, he knew anyways. Sorry about that too. Where was I…ah yes. Became the shadow leader of a terrorist organization, realized my mistakes, got stabbed in the heart to break the seal there, came back to life (again), dismantled the terrorist organization, and here I am.”

Naruto and Sakura nodded along. Tsunade looked like Sarutobi had, before handing the hat to her. Kakashi mind was still on the fact that Obito was sitting there. Alive.

Sakura cleared her throat.

“Well, everyone is a little shocked, we get that. But I’m sure you will be welcomed back Obito. Now then, Itachi, I believe you were a member of the Akatsuki, and since they were dismantled, you came back. But you do have committed crimes here. Mind explaining?”

Itachi emptied his cup of tea and nodded.

“It’s all Danzo’s fault. He ordered me to murder the clan. It was the only way to save Sasuke. They were planning a coup as well, though looking back on it I really can’t blame them. The ostracization was Danzo’s fault as well.”

Obito nodded.

“Yeah, you can ask a few people for proof of Danzo’s guilt. One of them should be the new Kage of Amegakure by now. He’s responsible for prolonging the war and much other stuff. Just ask him here, I’m sure he’ll confess.”

Tsunade nodded. She was shaken out of her stupor when Danzo actually arrived.

“Danzo, you have been accused of murder, treason and honestly much more. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Danzo (?) nodded.

“Yes, I agree and confess every wrongdoing. You forget that I led the shadow organization ROOT and branded the members with a seal. I also dehumanized them and made them living weapons. Oh and I had a few Sharingan implanted in myself.”

Tsunade blinked.  
“You did?”

(Not) Danzo nodded.

“I did.”

Tsunade looked at him.

“Then you will be executed.”

Definitely not Danzo smiled.

“Glad we all agree.”

And suddenly in the place of Danzo stood a pale boy, carrying a scroll.

“Here is Danzo’s corpse, I handed the Sharingan to Sasuke. We repurposed and reconditioned ROOT members. They now run orphanages and have been reintegrated into the normal shinobi system. It’s all on file, if you want to look. Former headquarters have been abandoned, but preserved, in case you want to investigate. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.”

Tsunade looked between the people in the room, wondering if they had all seen and heard the same.

“Aren’t you the kid who went to the chunin exams with Sakura and Naruto?”

He nodded.

“And you killed Danzo?”

He nodded again.

“Great. No questions. Naruto, I don’t know how but this is all your fault. Congratulations, you are the Hokage now. I’m off drinking.”

Naruto beamed. 

Kakashi followed Tsunade.

-

Sasuke looked at the Sannin.

“What did you do wrong?”

Orochimaru sighed.

“I didn’t ask for consent before taking a sample out of their eyeball.”

Sasuke nodded.

“And what does that mean?”

“That I will apologize, replace their eye, and read the book of ethics you gave me. Again.”

“Correct. Now one more thing. Since your ethical and legal science experiments take up most of your time, how about you make Karin Otokage? You will have way more free time.”

Orochimaru nodded.

“Great. One Sannin rehabilitated, one village rebuilt. My work here is done. I’ll go home then.”

The Sannin didn’t even try to stop him. Karin gave him a thank you basket. Suigetsu told him he could visit any time he wanted. Sasuke was just glad he could return to Konoha.

-

Since Naruto was Hokage now, it wasn’t a problem to welcome Sasuke back into the village. It was like he had never left. Naruto had also promoted the Konoha 12 to jonin without a test. People would complain of favouritism, if they hadn’t seen them fight and heard what had happened in Suna. It was fine as long as they only destroyed things outside of the village.

-

Kakashi thought it was weird that Naruto actually took his job seriously. It was easy, with all the shadow clones he could make. But he still did a surprisingly good job. Village relations were better than ever, and there was a tentative peace.

So when he went to deliver something one evening, he wasn’t even too surprised at the assortment of people in his living room.

Fuu, the new Kage of Takigakure.

Gaara, the Kazekage.

Killer B, the brother of the Raikage.

Yagura, the former Mizukage.

Yugito Nii, jonin of Kumo.

Two Iwa shinobi.

Utakata, a Kiri shinobi.

Naruto smiled at him. “Sensei, hello. Welcome to our monthly Jinchuuriki meeting!”

Kakashi paused. Then he counted. 

No way.

“How do you even know you’re a Jinchuuriki?”

Naruto just laughed at him.

“Well, the giant nine-tailed fox living in my stomach surely didn’t help with keeping that a secret. His name is Kurama by the way. We’re friends.”

Kakashi hummed.

“Aha. Good for you. I’m just here to drop of your files. Please consider the extra vacation I should be getting for having been your teacher. Have fun. Please don’t cause an international incident.”

And Kakashi left and returned home, where Obito would probably wait for him. Once he had gotten over his shock, Kakashi did everything in his power to never let Obito out of his sight again, if possible. Obito had resigned to that, and said he deserved it. He did.

-

A few years later peace had finally settled. The villages had great relations, shinobi weren’t in much demand, and Kakashi had retired.

It was then, that he and a few other old jonin sensei were asked for a meeting.

And when they told him that they had returned via time-travel, he wasn’t even surprised anymore. That surely explained all the weird things that had happened.

There was just one thing Kakashi knew for sure.

It was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it ^^


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